Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.