What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage