so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar