Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.