it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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