Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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