i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
