porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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