i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
