why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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