I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
