You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone shattered a urinal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
