Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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