My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
