I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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