I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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