I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
