put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
