Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
