one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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