32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
