It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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