found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
