Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
