Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
