it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
