Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
