just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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