I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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