you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
