No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
