John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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