We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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