my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
