I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
