I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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