i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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