I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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