Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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