what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
