i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
