You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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