Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
