So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
