I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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