Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
