i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
