in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
