Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
