you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
