U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.