You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm