All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick