He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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