i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
