these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
