I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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