We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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