HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
