someone threw a dead crab at me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
