you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
