another moral hangover. fuck.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
