I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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