Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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