Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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