She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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