I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
