Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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