I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
