party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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