The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
