Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
