Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
