i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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