I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
