his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
