how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
