we're blogging at a bar
You're completely useless in the revolution.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
