We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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