I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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