i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
