If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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