I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
