I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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