Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
