I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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