HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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