so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
