Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize