so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
