TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
