It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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