Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cockslap morals
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
