Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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