i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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