please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
